I awoke today to find that the worst had happened; it was raining in the UAE. I knew it before I even got up because my Twitter feed told me so. Yes, I’m grumpy. I hate rain. I hated it in the UK and that’s one of the main reasons why I moved here. And you know something?  I hate it even more in the UAE, and here’s why:

1. The ridiculous rain tweets 

Tweet of the day: @somerandomrainfan It’s raining!

No shit, Sherlock.

I know we only get rain once or twice a year, but why do we all need to read yet another tweet about the fact that it’s, erm, raining?  Let me tell you something about rain. It fucking sucks. It makes everything look wet, grey and miserable. I used to walk to work in it and I can assure you that there’s nothing grimmer than having to dry yourself and your soaking wet trousers under the office washroom’s hand dryer every morning. So forgive me if I find your rain tweets a tad annoying, but please tell me what there is to rejoice about? The fact that it will take you guys twice the amount of time to get to work today, or the fact that you’re more than likely going to witness ten accidents and flooded roads the whole way there?

What frustrates me the most is that 90 per cent of these tweets come from Brits who while back in the UK spend all their time moaning about the shitty weather. Let’s see how many of you would still be tweeting in such a chirpy, jovial manner if it keeps raining until May.

2. Hazard lights while driving 

Turning your hazard lights on while driving in the rain – WHAT.IS.THAT.ABOUT?

I don’t get it. We can see it’s raining, so of what use are the hazard lights to anyone, especially when you’re still driving like an utter moron? It does nothing but confuse matters, so bloody stop it.

And while we’re on the subject of driving, the other thing that rain in the UAE does is turn already moronic drivers even more idiotic. It’s just a bit of damn water, people! I’d hate to see what would happen if it ever snowed here.

3. EVERYTHING gets flooded

The roads and pavements have zero to no drains in the UAE, so within five minutes of average downpour, the place becomes the GCC’s answer to Venice. It makes it even more impossible to walk places than usual, and you may as well not bother even trying to drive anywhere because the only way you can get around is by dhow.

I clearly remember a few years back when it rained I was stranded in the office for more than two hours after I finished work because there was no way of getting home. So again, please tell me, what is there to be happy about?

4. Everything leaks

The buildings here were just not built for rain. Every time that it has rained in Dubai, I have discovered that my apartments are as useful as a sieve at holding water at bay. One year I returned home to find a huge puddle in front of my balcony window. I still have no frigging idea how all that water got in.

5. I have nothing to wear

I’ve now been in the UAE for almost seven years, which means my winter wardrobe now consists of a hoodie. In other words, I have next to nothing to wear when it starts raining. No suitable shoes, no suitable jackets. Nothing. So I invariably have to walk around in sodden sandals. My feet don’t appreciate this.

6. Let’s get real – it BARELY rains 

This morning’s ‘rainfall’ lasted an hour. I rest my case.

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